


God doesn’t love you...not like I do

by Aries_03



Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Apocalypse, galangdon - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Cuddling & Snuggling, Heresy, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Insanity, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, Love, M/M, Nightmares, Past Child Abuse, References to Depression, Sleep Deprivation, Slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 06:19:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19762321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aries_03/pseuds/Aries_03
Summary: “ Michael?”“ Yes, Gal?”“ Do you love me?”“ The nonexistent God doesn’t love as much as I do.”





	God doesn’t love you...not like I do

The past weeks had been hard for all of them. Michaels constant interviewing, suspicious deaths here and there, and everyone, in general, having to listen to Evie’s bragging. The noticeable signs of depression, anxiety, and stress were taking over them all. It's scary what those feelings can make you do. Acts such as suicide, abuse, even murder. All it takes is that one little push. All those feelings are strong enough to make even the sanest people go crazy. 

Fear was another destructive feeling. A thing that is put into your mind from a young age. It's different for everyone, sometimes it's as simple as being scared of spiders, others it's as big as being a failure and being hated by everyone around you. Fear wasn't what Gallant felt right now. It was a much more nasty feeling.

Self-hatred. Every time that sick disgusting word left Evie’s mouth the more he hated himself. It didn't even hurt his feelings anymore. After all the years of hearing it from all the homophobic white men in his life. Their argument was short. 

Evie said her unoriginal insults and threw out her slurs and Gallant called her a delusional greedy bitch and that was it. Gallant had taught himself to stop defending himself here. The people here would do anything to abuse you. His room was the only place he could truly feel ok.

Sleeping was harder than usual, but when you're used to sleeping with someone or something next to you being alone gets hard. Gallant watched the shadows the flame of the candles made on the ceiling for what felt like hours. The door to his room opened and closed. ” You're still awake I see.” Michael stated in his usual soft tone. 

” yeah ” Gallant replied sighing. Michael walked over and sat down on the bed next to him.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. ” Doll, why don't we go to my room?” Michael asked,” you’re tense I can tell .”. Gallant nodded his head and followed Michael to his room. 

“ So how are the interviews going?” Gallant asked sitting down on Michaels soft bed. 

” Love if you think I'm leaving you here you're sorely mistaken.” Michael said sitting next to Gallant on the bed. 

” no seriously, how were the interviews ?” Gallant asked giggling.

” they were...ok I guess. The took way too long. ” Michael replied slowly taking off Gallant's shirt and throwing it on the floor. He ran his fingers down Gallants sides. ” How was your day Love?”. 

Gallant groaned ” the same as every day...”. 

” Gal you're perfect the way you are .” Michael cooed kissing Gallants neck. 

Gallant rolled his eyes and mumbled,” you're just saying that...”. Michael growled in annoyance.

” if I didn't mean it would I be doing this?” Michael asked kissing and marking down Gallants pale slightly bruised chest. Gallant sighed seemingly unimpressed. Michael looked up at Gallant. ” Gal... What's wrong?”.

“ I’m sorry Mikey...I haven’t been sleeping well ...I’m stressed...I'm just not in the mood.” Whined Gallant. 

” why are you so stressed love?” Michael questioned worriedly. He gently rubbed Gallant’s sides. Gallant looked around Michaels room seemingly avoiding the question. ” Sweetie if you don't want to tell me that ok, but you know you can tell me anything.” Michael told him. 

” I know...can we just cuddle?” Gallant mumbled blushing lightly.

Michael smiled softly ” of course we can pulchra. ” gently pushing Gallant back onto the bed. Michael laid down next to Gallant and covered them with a blanket. Gallant laid his on Michaels' chest. 

Michael started slowly running his fingers through Gallant's hair. ” Evie and I have been fighting more... ” Gallant mumbled.

” is that so love ?” 

” and I haven't gotten to see you much lately because we are both so tired...and Venable...”

” I know baby trust me when this is over I'm going to give you my undivided attention and as for Venable if she puts a hand on you I’ll saw her ass in half.”.

Michael kissed the top of Gallant’s head “ just you wait, love, soon you won't have to deal with any of them. It'll just be you and me and anyone who dares to try harm you will suffer an internal hell.”. 

“ rest now, sleep deprivation can drive a man insane,” Michael whispered,” I’ll be here when you wake I promise.”.

Regardless of how safe he felt in Michaels' arms sleep and the demons that came with it still plagued him. The hatred, the screaming, the pain, the hiding. You are not supposed to be scared to be happy. You are supposed to be scared of bad things being happy isn't bad What God would hate someone for being happy? 

The answer was none...because there wasn't a God. He could feel the dark bruises forming on his pale skin. The red marks forming on his face. The all too familiar sound of breaking glass. The aching pain in his legs. 

Gallant opened his eyes. Ice grey walls. Mocha brown wood floors. It was his room. His old room. The soft voice of his mother. 

”Oh, carefully little eyes what you see. Oh, carefully little eyes what you see. The father up above is looking down in love. So, be careful little eyes what you see.” 

God couldn't save him as his parents and grandmother had told him. His skin writhed and wriggled. He hated his own body. Pained screaming filled his ears.

” Oh be careful little ears what you hear. Oh, be careful little ears what you hear. The father up above us is looking down in love. So, be careful little ears what you hear.” 

She loved him. She cared for him. Protected him. A vanilla blonde, bright hazel brown eyes, soft angel skin, a bright welcoming smile. The perfect virtuous woman. A heretic in his father's eyes. ” Don't worry I'll never let you go.”. 

” FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR GOD!” 

It was the first time she had ever damned Gods name. 

” Oh, be careful little tongue what you say. Oh, be careful little tongue what you say. The father up above us is looking down in love. So, be careful little tongue what you say.”. 

Her screaming bounced off the walls of the room. The sound of her crying sent chills down his spine. Her vanilla hair a mess, hazel eyes now dull and reddened from tears, soft angel skin covered in crimson, mauve, and navy bruises, her bright smile gone. 

He did what she couldn't. He fought back even if it meant getting his ass kicked, as long as it took the pain off her it didn't matter. Gallant grabbed him by the shoulder and forced his father off her. 

” YOU FAGGOT! WHY COULDN'T YOU BE NORMAL.”. 

He wasn't used to it then... that horrible word. He did it for her. His eyes were grey and soulless, hair a stingy brown, a hateful look in eyes. A hateful soul.

” Oh, careful little hands what you do. Oh, carefully little hands what you do. The father up above us is looking down in love. So, be careful little hands what you do.”

The sound of her crying continued even though she was gone. He took her from him. ”Don't worry...I'll never let you go.”. 

An accident they said. They were on a perfectly open road on a clear day. It was no accident! Her body was a faded pale grey still covered in bruises. He could have cared less what his father looked like. He killed her! 

” Oh, careful little feet where you go. Oh, careful little feet where you go. The father up above us is looking down in love. So, be careful little feet where you go.”.

The love he felt for her was the same love he felt for Michael. Pure. No matter what Michael did he loved him. He was lost without him. Hopeless. No matter what Michael was he loved him and Michael loved him back. 

” Oh, careful little heart whom you trust. Oh, careful little heart whom you trust. The father up above us is looking down in love. So, be careful little heart whom you trust.”.

Everyone he loved hated him or was taken from him. Gallant began to claw at his flesh. ”stop please!” he begged. He dug his finger deeper into his skin. Crimson blood began to drip. ” Michael make it stop, please!” he cried. 

” Oh, careful little mindvwhat you think. Oh, careful little mindvwhat you think. The father up above us is looking down in love. So, be careful little mindvwhat you think.”.

” there is no God !”. 

Gallant woke with a start causing Michael to jump next to him. ” Love what's wrong?” Michael asked looking at Gallant concerned. He stayed as he promised. 

” Michael?”  
” Yes, Gal?”  
” do you love me? ”   
” The nonexistent God doesn't love like I do.”


End file.
